والدینی که صرفا به کنترل کردن بدرفتاری علاقه مند هستند، تنبیه می کنند. اما والدینی که بخواهند فرزندانشان همکاری بیشتری بکنند، بازخوردهای مثبت را با فرونشانی متعادل می سازند و مجازات کردن را به حداقل خود می رسانند. اگر به جنبه های مثبت تأکید کنید، نیازتان به مجازات به حداقل می رسد.
آنچه در ادامه مطلب می خوانید با یخچال رابطه دارد. از مطالب فتوکپی تهیه کنید و آنها را روی یخچال بچسبانید. در صفحه اول باید از خود درباره مجازاتهایی که می کنید سؤلاتی بکنید. صفحه دوم اشاره به راه کارهایی دارد که رفتار را تقویت یا ضعیف می کند و در صفحه بعدی مقایسه میان بازخورد مثبت و مجازات کردن است. بسیاری از والدین معتقدند که مرور کردن گه گاهی این مطالب به آنها کمک میکند تا رفتار مثبت تری را به نمایش بگذارند. امیدوارم در مورد شما هم همین طور باشد.
ده سؤال درباره زمانی که تنبیه میکنید
1.آیا این مجازات بر مهارتهای تصمیم گیری فرزند من می افزاید؟
۲. آیا این مجازات بدرفتاری را تغییر می دهد؟
٣. آیا این مجازات از نیاز به مجازات کردن بیشتر می کاهد؟
۴. آیا وقتی مجازات می کنم، عصبانی می شوم؟
۵. آیا این مجازات بخشی از یک برنامه است ؟ آیا به شکل تکانه ای مجازات میکنم؟
۶. آیا اقدام تلافی جویانه میکنم؟ آیا این مجازات فرزند مرا تحقیر و خجالت زده می کند؟
۷. آیا پیگیری لازم را دارم؟
۸. آیا بلافاصله بعد از بدرفتاری مجازات می کنم؟ (به استثنای زمانی که خشمگین هستم.)
9. آیا این مجازات منطقی و منصفانه است؟
10.آیا ابتدا از برخوردهای مثبت استفاده کرده ام؟
چگونه رفتار را تقویت یا ضعیف کنیم
برای تقویت رفتار خوب:
از بازخورد مثبت استفاده کنید. مثال:
وقتی فرزند شما رفتار خوبی را به نمایش می گذارد، با تشکر کردن به او پاداش بدهید. وقتی می بینید فرزندان شما با هم صمیمانه بازی میکنند، آنها را تشویق کنید.
برای کاستن از بدرفتاری:
1. با استفاده از بازخورد مثبت رفتار مغایر بدرفتاری را تقویت کنید. مثال:
اگر می خواهید از شدت مشاجره میان فرزندان خود بکاهید، به زمانی که با هم مشاجره نمی کنند توجه داشته باشد.
اگر فرزندان شما نگرش منفی دارند، به هر نگرش مثبت آنها پاداش بدهید.
٢. از فرونشانی برای حذف پاداش دادن به بدرفتاری استفاده کنید.
تسلیم خواسته های فرزندتان نشوید.
وقتی فرزندتان می خواهد به شکل منفی توجه شما را به خود جلب کده به او اعتنا نکنید.
٣. از مجازات استفاده کنید.
مثال: کودکی که دیر به خانه می آید، حق خروج از خانه را در روز بعد ندارد. کودکی که به وظایف خود عمل نمی کند، پول تو جیبی نمی گیرد.
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