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تا روزی که با فرزندانتان زندگی می کنید، مهمترین معلم اخلاق آنها هستید و یا دست کم می توانید باشید. طرح پرسشهایی که بچه ها را به فکر کردن تشویق می کند، راه مناسبی برای آموزش اخلاقی آنهاست. در این جا باید اضافه کنیم که انتقال طرز فکر پدر و مادر هم نقش بسیار مهمی در تربیت اخلاقی فرزندان بازی می کند. محروم کردن فرزندان از آموزش اخلاقی، مضایقه چیزی از آنهاست که برای تکامل اخلاقی خود به آن نیاز دارند. یکی از وظایف سنتی پدر و مادر، نشان دادن راه درست و خوب و بد به فرزندان بوده و حال آنکه در سالهای اخیر، بسیاری از والدین از این سیاست شانه خالی کرده، از وظیفه راهنمایی فرزندان خود غافل مانده اند. نه ارزشهای مورد باور خود را انتقال دادند و نه برای آموزش و راهنمایی بهایی قایل شده اند. در نتیجه خلاء ارزشها در محیط خانواده مشهود شد و این فرصت مناسبی بود برای تلویزیون، سینما، تبلیغات رسانه های گروهی و دوستان همسال، تا خلاء بوجود آمده را پر کنند. در این شرایط، بچه ها ارزشهایی کسب کرده اند که در اصل نوعی ضد ارزش بوده. با کودکان و نوجوانهایی روبرو شدیم که نه حاصل تربیت پدر و مادر که نتیجه فرهنگ جامعه بودند. کودکانی بد رفتار و بد اخلاق و بی نزاکت تربیت کرده ایم که نسبت به همه، از همسالانشان گرفته تا بزرگتر ها بی ادبی را از حد می گذرانند.
اما پدر و مادر روز گار ما تصمیم گرفته اند تا نقش فراموش خود را بازیابند، می خواهند از نو آموزگار اخلاق شوند. به این نتیجه رسیده اند که در قبال انتقال ارزشهای موروثی خود به فرزندان وظیفه ای دارند؛ به این نتیجه رسیده اند که بدون کمک پدر و مادر فرزندان از این ارزشها محروم می شوند. به این نتیجه رسیده اند که فرزندانشان از این ارزشهای نسل به نسل به ارث رسیده منتفع می شوند. می توانیم اگر بخواهیم ارزشها را تغییر دهیم و یا چیزی بر آن بیافزائیم ، اما مهم این است که زیر بنایی داریم که می توانیم از آن شروع کنیم.
آموزش با گفتار
در آموزش اخلاق به این نکات توجه کنید:
1- میزان درك و فهم کودک از نکات اخلاقی با سن و سال او رابطه دارد. مثلا، کودکی که در مرحله ۱ رشد اخلاقی قرار دارد، صفات اخلاقی از نوع «اطاعت» و همکاری را بهتر از کیفیات مجردی چون صمیمیت»، «وفاداری» و «صداقت» درك می کند. به همین شکل کودک مرحله ۳ رشد هم مفاهيم «درستکاری» و «صمیمیت» را بهتر از مفهوم مجرد «وحدت کلمه» و «انسجام» میفهمد. اما حتی اگر كودك منطق مفاهیم ارزشی را بطور کامل درك نكند، رو در رو قرار گرفتن با ارزش، او را در درك منطق اخلاقی مراحل بعد کمک می کند.
2- به فرزندان خود بگوئید که شما انسانی کامل و صد در صد بی عیب و نقص نیستید و چنین ادعایی هم ندارید. مادری که به فرزندانش می گوید: می دانید، من قبلا مادر نبوده ام و بنابراین ممکن است اشتباه کنم. در اصل آنها را خلع سلاح می کند. مسلما شما در مقایسه با کودکان خود عاقلتر هستید، اما بجای تحمیل این عقل و راهنمایی استفاده کنید.
3- اگر احساس کردید که انگار به اصطلاح با دیوار حرف میزنید مایوس نشوید، بخصوص در رابطه با نوجوانها، گوش نکردن نوجوان به حرفهای شما، برای اثبات استقلال اوست.
4- فراموش نکنید که بچه ها نمی توانند درست آنطور که می خواهید باشند . اگر آنها را در جهت بلوغ كمك کنید، فکری به حال خویش میکنند اما اگر در تربیت آنها اخلاق را فراموش نکرده، و خود آنچه را توصیه می کنید انجام دهید، به احتمال زیاد، ارزشهایی مشابه ارزشهای مورد نظر شما پیدا خواهند کرد.
انتخاب ارزشهای اخلاقی
سئوال این جاست که کدام ارزش را به فرزندانمان انتقال دهیم. در این زمینه انتخاب شخصی است اما خوشبختانه مجبور نیستیم که صفر شروع کنیم. ۱۸ ارزشی که هم اکنون به آن می پردازیم، از محك تجربه سر بلند بیرون آمده اند.
1- خودباوری: باید اعتقاد به خویشتن را به فرزندانمان بیاموزیم، باید به آنها بگوییم که یکی از بزرگترین دشمنان عزت نفس، مقایسه کردن خود با دیگران است. همیشه میتوانیم شخص یا اشخاصی پیدا کنیم که از ما باهوشتر، با استعدادتر و موفق تر هستند. بچه ها باید بدانند که هیچکس نیست که از جمیع جهات نسبت به دیگران برتر باشد. به فرزندان خود بیاموزید تا خود را با خود بسنجند و کاری به دیگران نداشته باشند.
2-شجاعت: کودک در مصاف مشکلات زندگی به کمک شما احتیاج دارد. به او بیاموزیدتا با توجه به عمق مطلب با این مشکلات ستیز کند.
3- کار خوب: به فرزند خود بیاموزید هر کاری را باید خوب انجام داد.
4- انصاف: اگر به کودکان خود درس اخلاق بدهید ، اگر به آنها یاد بدهید که چگونه این اخلاقیات را در زندگی شخصی و اجتماعی خود دخالت دهند، انصاف را با آنها در میان گذاشته اید.
5- آزادی: کودک باید بداند که آزادی یکی از ارزشهای بزرگ زندگی است. به همین دلیل او باید احترام به آزادی دیگران را به همان اندازه که به آزادی خویش بها می دهد رعایت کند و در عین حال باید بداند که آزادی همیشه با محدودیت همراه است.
6- ایمان: ایمان و اعتقاد از لازمه های زندگی هر انسان محسوب میشود.
7- بخشش: کودک را با استفاده از داستان و قصه با مفهوم بخشش آشنا کنید.
8- خوشبختی: خوشبختی عادت لذت بردن در زندگی است. اگر میخواهید هنر خوشبخت زیستن را به فرزندان خود بیاموزید، به آنها بگویید که خوشبختی تا حدود زیاد یک موقعیت ذهنی است. به عبارت دیگر خوشبختی داشتن آنچه می خواهید نیست، بلکه رضایت دادن به آن چیزی است که دارید.
9- صداقت: صداقت، صداقت مترادف درستکاری است. صفت پسندیده ای است. انسانهای صادق، از دروغ و تقلب و دزدی مبرا هستند، انسانهای صادق کسانی هستند که میتوانید روی آنها حساب کنید. به فرزندان خود بیاموزید که صداقت یکی از ارزشمندترین سرمایه هایی است که می توانند داشته باشند. برترین نوع صداقت، صادق بودن با خویش است.
10- عشق و محبت: عشق یعنی صبر، مهربانی، حسادت نکردن، خود خواه نبودن.
11- یادگیری: بر اساس نتایج تحقیقات، والدین اشخاص موفق برای یادگیری ارزش زیادی قایل بودند. اغلب آنها برای کودکان کمتر از دو سال خود هفته ای چند بار کتاب می خواندند. برای والدین اشخاص بسیار موفق، زنده بودن به مفهوم رشد کردن و فراگرفتن مهارتهای جدید و یادگیری بود.
12- احترام: احترام اساس رشد اخلاقی است که به اشکال مختلف متجلی میشود مثل احترام به قانون، احترام به حقوق مرد، احترام به محیط و…
13- ورزش: بسیاری از والدین فرزندان خود را به شرکت در فعالیت های ورزشی تشویق می کنند. ورزش با تقویت عزت نفس، تجربه، کار گروهی و روحیه ی مبارزه طلبی و نظم و انضباط را در نوجوان ایجاد میکند. نوجوان با شرکت در فعالیت های ورزشی، کیفیت و خصوصیتی را در خود تقویت می کند که مورد احترام همگان است و آن داشتن روحیه ی خوب و ورزشکاری است.
14-تفکر: مهمتر از تسلط به مهارت هایی که برشمردیم باید هنر تفکر و عمل کردن را به فرزندان یاد دهید. سوال کردن راهی است که او را به اندیشیدن درباره ی نتایج رفتارش مجبور می کند.
15- درک و همدلی: درک دیگران کیفیتی است که کودک را در تمامی مناسبات اجتماعی اش کمک می کند. مادام که از خواسته های دیگران اطلاع نداشته باشیم و تا ندانیم که چه می خواهند نمی توانیم به آنها کمک کنیم.
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